whiteness and Me

As a person of color, for me to talk about being white, whiteness and white culture, forces me to acknowledge the ways that I have been conditioned in whiteness and how that whiteness shows up in me. That is an unfriendly and devastating place for some of us to be, I know that I have wrestled with that as I discover how whiteness has, does and will continue to affect and effect the way that I show up in the world.  The understanding, realization and acceptance that I am as permeable to whiteness as dirt is to rain, as a racial equity champion, is a discussion I would most times like to avoid.  The more I see you (white people), the more I see my own reflection and conditioning in the world and then it no longer is just YOUR problem, it is a reminder that it is mine too because all along I have been an active, regular and normed participant in my own demise and oppression.